Lessons learned
One thing I learned tonight... If you love someone, you just need to tell them that. You never know what will happen tomorrow. You never know what will be taken from you. Each situation has its own complications... And why not just tell that someone that you love them?! No matter what the outcome, at least you said what you felt... And that's all that truly matters. They may not realize that at the time, but you do... And they will soon enough too.
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You know, I know this quote holds true.
I'm not a very social person. So sue me.
I've been told time and time again by numerous people,
"You need more friends."
"Why are you so anti-social?"
"Don't you hate sitting alone at home?"
"Don't you want to meet new people?"
No... the answers to all these questions is no.
No, I don't need more friends. I have all the friends that I need and want.
And no, I'm not anti-social... I'm selectively social.
And no, I don't hate sitting at home alone.
I like to be alone.
I don't always have to have someone by myself to occupy my time.
Sometimes just being alone with your thoughts is more than enough... for me at least.
And no, I don't always like/want to meet new people.
Sometimes meeting new people is absolutely terrifying to people who are social-intraverts.
It actually gives me anxiety to meet new people...
Sure, I can do the whole, "Hey my name is so-in-so. Nice to meet you."
I can totally do all that jazz and be polite, but damn, we're not becoming best friends so just back off.
I'm not a best friend type of person.
Personally, having a "best friend" is a little over-rated.
I have a friend that has become one of my favorites but, what am I, twelve?!
Do I need to claim them as my "best friend" out loud to know that I prefer to talk to them about things than other people?
No, no and no.
I like who I hang out with; it's who I've always hung out with...
people who aren't just my friends, they're my family.
First of all, you have to know something about me.
I don't have technical family.
I mean, I have my mother, but we have a different mother-daughter relationship.
It's not average, lets just say that.
We're closer than close.
We text a million and one times a day, and then call each other six times on top of that.
I have two aunts, whom I really adore.
One aunt I don't talk to that much, just on a "need to" basis.
She's much like me, likes her space.
My other aunt, we text every other day or so.
These three members are my blood family.
Family that I claim.
Family that I love.
I had a father at one point, back when I was about thirteen.
I'm twenty-seven now, by the way.
I also had two (blood) brothers.
In a (really vague) nutshell my life story goes a little like this...
A woman and a man got together...
Got married...
Had two boys...
and then a girl...
Marriage was bad.
Father was 1) not a father and 2) definitely not a husband.
Father beat mother.
Father beat children.
Mother had enough & divorced Father.
Father took oldest son.
Middle son hates both parents.
Mother took youngest daughter.
Daughter tried to keep contact with siblings & Father.
Siblings have no back-bones of their own.
And Father is no-where to be found, not because daughter hasn't tried... on multiple occasions.
Some would say I'm socially challenged because of my story.
I don't know if that's true or not.
I'm socially selective because people are cruel.
They're jaded.
They're fake & manipulative.
It's human-nature to be that way; to look out for yourself and that's it.
It's not me being jaded, it's me being honest & realistic.
I get tired of people telling me I'm pessimistic...
No, I've just been through some things and realize things for what they truly are.
So sue me.
So, this all leads to who I consider my "family".
There are these three boys...
Country, ornery, ridiculous and crazy most (ALL) of the time boys.
They've been in my life since I was fifteen.
Remember, I'm twenty-seven now.
That's more than half my life.
They've been with me through the thickest of thick,
and a line so fine that it's barely even there kind of thin...
They've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to me.
And trust me, there's been some real ugliness.
They're more than brothers.
The word brother doesn't cover it.
These boys... they're much, much more than that.
There's no one word to describe how much one girl could love her brothers.
These three, are family and then some.
Then, there is my husband.
Let's just start out with this...
This dude is a SAINT!
Anyone that puts up with me, and loves me to a fault...
He's a saint.
There's no doubt in my mind.
He's my best friend, my lover, my rock, my soul-mate.
A soul-mate that I thought never existed for anyone in life.
Someone who reached in to my heaped up soul
and uncovered what no one else took enough time to uncover before.
He showed me who I really was, and maybe who I've always been.
And he polished me until I shined.
And he still continues to pick me up and dust me off at my weakest moments,
but stands back and lets me shine in my brightest moments too.
He's perfect in a bottle.
Something I thank god for every single night... literally.
So this is me.
This is who I am, and what makes me, me.
Which is why I think this stupid quote up above is so damn important.
You don't need a certain number of friends.
You need friends who you are certain of.
And I, am more than certain of mine.
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